Spirituality Won’t Cure the Autism

A gorgeous, God-provided Friday sunset in Tanzania, photo taken by me

Ever since my childhood I’ve been obsessed with the supernatural. Spirituality, religion, astrology, magic—if it was difficult to explain or measure, I was geeked. With that interest, it was only natural that when it felt like my life was falling apart (as well as when my life was actually falling apart) I would turn to a Higher Power to help me get some control back.

Despite all my of previous religious leanings, plus my current spiritual leanings, nothing seems to make the effects of this new-found autism self-diagnosis go away. While I only recently, meaning yesterday, found out that there’s a 99.9999% probability that I’m on the autism spectrum, I didn’t just get on the spectrum. I’ve been on it my whole life.

Because I have the ability to look back on said life and see all the ways not knowing about this autism likely fucked me over in multiple ways, I can see how all of the prayers, the meditations, the retreats, the new moon salt baths, the ayahuasca ceremonies, the shroom trips, etc. did absolutely nothing to help me overcome the existential dread, social anxiety, random bouts of depression, communication blow-ups, etc.

I’m not saying that spirituality and religion don’t have a place in a neurodivergent’s life, because I love me some God. What I am saying is that, instead of approaching spirituality from a place of, “ oh my god, there’s something wrong with me, please help me fix me 😩,” I can now approach it from a different vantage point.

I have no idea what that vantage point is right now, but I think it’s probably somewhere along the lines of accepting this self-diagnosis, educating myself about myself and everything that seems to stem from the autism, e.g. masking, isolating when overwhelmed, emotional outbursts, lack of boundaries, etc., educating those around me, advocating for myself and others like me (to the best of my abilities), and using spirituality to give me the courage and confidence to stand firmly in my truth and the truth about who I am.

Another important piece is, now that I know the why of the reason I am the way I am, I can better manage and cope with the uncontrollable stressors of life, and have an unmovable rock to lean on through the storms that this world can stir up.

All in all, the gist of this post is this: spirituality is amazing. My relationship with those in the other realms is unmatched, and no I cannot see dead people. That would nice though. I do not, however, believe that it can cure autism. To be honest, I feel like autism is a gift in a way. It’s made me extremely resilient, open to other ways of thinking and being, curious, and able to self-soothe if need be. I’ve been able to explore so many different avenues to better understand myself, that I can understand others better, too.

This journey is about to get interesting, friends!

♾ Aminah Jamil

I Should Change My Middle Name to “Pivot”

Photo by Windows on Unsplash

Hello there!

It’s been a minute, but hopefully not too long.

I thought I’d come back through with some updates.

As I mentioned in one of my previous posts about a huge change of plans that forced me to re-evaluate my career, things have really, really been changing for me, as I’m sure they’ve been changing for a lot of you all with the craziness going on in the world.

I used to get really self-conscious about how much I changed my career, and especially when looking at people my age and how much they’ve accomplished thus far in life.

I’ve since come to accept that this is just part of my life. Until that thing that makes me financially, mentally, and emotionally comfortable comes along and sets up shop in my career department, I’ll be pivoting, again and again. 

Luckily, somehow, the universe continues to clear a path for me to do something I’m wonderful at, something that comes quite effortlessly to me, and something that, if I’m being 100% authentic, doesn’t feel like work, and I am actually happy doing it.

That thing is writing.

Despite the pivoting I’ve experienced throughout my career life, the one thing that’s always been consistent is writing. Every single job I’ve had to do, writing was a big part of it. So I guess I should cut myself some slack, huh? 

If you’re like me, a middle-aged millennial (meaning your birth year is around 1985-1990), and you keep finding yourself wondering what the heck you’re supposed to be doing in this life, please don’t give up. But also please give yourself a pat on the back for how hard you’ve worked thus far. And also please don’t give up on any dreams you’ve ever had in your life—try them out, if you have the chance. 

Look, if the only thing that’s stopping you from going after a dream is fear, whether it’s your own personal fear or fear from naysayers, PLEASE KEEP GOING.

Maybe You Still Don’t Know

Even after winning the young author’s contest in the 3rd grade, I still had no clue that I wanted to be a writer. It wasn’t until my adolescent years that I even started writing creatively, and not until my early twenties that I took writing seriously enough to consider just doing it on the side.

Plus, think of all those famous writers who didn’t become famous until their forties and fifties. Kids, we’ve still got time, okay? Not that we’re trying to get famous here. Let’s call it “meeting our definition of success”. 

We still have time to meet our definitions of success, no matter how many times we need to pivot; we will make it there. 

You heard it here first!

Tl;dr – be okay with the pivot, it’s okay not to know what you want even if you’re in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, 60s, 70s, 80s, 90s, 100s, 1000s, etc.

∞ Aminah Jamil