This domain name has seen its fair share of blog platforms and purposes. From a personal blog, to a music site, back to a blog again, and now literary writing, I almost want to punch myself in the head for going back and forth between desires so ridiculously.
Such is life for a person who wants to do everything, but fears commitment to one thing. As I travel through my early 30s, I’m beginning to understand what I really want, what can be a career, what should remain a hobby, and so on. Part of me wishes that a finite choice can finally be made, but the better part of me knows that in order for that to become a reality, true self-confidence must arise from where I lacked it in my formative years.
Luckily, the confidence to do wild things, things I’d never thought I’d do has become an almost daily part of my life. Maybe less than almost daily, but still. As I get older, I find that I care less and less about what a ‘right’ life and a ‘wrong’ life look like. The desire to separate myself from the rat race in any way possible, even though many may look down on, or even be envious of, that decision; the desire to be as wild of a woman as possible because this is my only life as Aminah; the desire to go places I thought lived only in my imagination. The structure of the freedom to live my life on my terms is forming right before my eyes, and with it, my true childhood, adolescent, and young adult dreams are coming to fruition.
The only way any of this could be possible is faith. A faith so strong that it may seem naive in the eyes of those who take to the world of form as their only representation of what is true and real. Faith in my experiences, my abilities, and the unseen forces that drive abundance into our lives, should we let it.
So, here we are again and here I am again, talking about things, writing things, creating things, and living a life that is true to me. I am content. Long live this blog, forever and ever, until the internet dies.
∞ Aminah Jamil